I miss my friends ya know. It aint the same in college, though I do know I got it easy...I tried to be grateful and count my blessings and stuff the other day so i was muttering to myself as I walked down the stairs- after getting a test result not up to the mark, and feeling myself being sucked into the vortex- "grateful grateful grateful grateful...." but it just made me feel like throwing up. Really! How unnatural of one to feel that way when one does indeed have a load to be grateful for in life. But the grass is green on all sides and i'm standing in a dry spot, the way it looks to me. I am so going to hell for this. :P But, I daresay God knows all about venting and mood-swings.

I must have changed a lot since I moved away from Hyd, because I've been noticing things about myself I own I cannot like. It makes me think if I'm just discovering myself or if I've just changed. Yes, yes, I tend to introspect a lot and stuff. But what is one to do when the best conversation to be had for miles around is inside one's own head??? So I talk. To myself. Or the little voice in my head. Whatever you choose to call it.

Point is, my brains are rotting. Slowly but surely. All the vernacular I am obliged to speak is eating away at my spoken English. My poor, prized 94%-in-ICSE-English. I couldn't summon up a witty remark without cudgelling my brains for a whole minute, not even if the offender annoyed me VERY much. In fact, i'm much more likely to come up with an expletive, now that's not smart neither does it suit a lady!:( Any chance remarks are wasted....Gone with the wind. I feel melancholy as I watch them sail over several heads around me. As I wave to and reflect upon the sad rarity of these ill-fated witticisms, I have to own that that it scares me that I shan't ever see any of their like again.

Wait. That wasn't the point was it?? No I was saying...er typing...how sad it is that I've become this judgmental, suspicious creature who doesn't care much to make new acquaintances and who I'm afraid is turning into a full-fledged brat. Ok, I suppose it aint as bad as all that. I have become less sensitive than I was used to(ultra-sensitive), wised up a little(I hope), lightened up a lot and learned a lot. But I do find myself judging people too quickly or writing them them off after an alarmingly short acquaintance with them. My temper grows shorter and shorter and I find myself losing my patience with people more and more often and nothing I can tell myself can convince me that such fits are irrational. What right do I have to even think rude thoughts about folks?

I'm sorry, I'm feeling down today. This post I know is not like my usual rubbish. Well actually it is, but melancholy rubbish. But what's a blog for if you can't indulge yourself?

More later, Hopefully not in the same strain....

Er i sorta went on a Disney fairy tale movie-watching-spree the past couple of weeks...I know I know...dorky right? You're probably thinking "Gosh,how old are u??"

Fine, I am 19 but I do love me some Disney :D The man was a genius!

What attracts one to somebody? What makes us say they're beautiful?

They say that "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" but how do you define beauty?

Why is it that sometimes we perceive people as beautiful as soon as we clap eyes on them, and sometimes it takes ages of knowing them to feel that way?

And then, that idea suddenly takes hold of the mind and one becomes blind to all else.

Some people have a mysterious charisma. Never understood that, you know.

Some indefinable charm which attracts everyone to them. Some sort of that elusive 'X factor' I guess. All actors have it...the popular ones at least. That's why they have so many crazy fans who idolize them. But then they grow older, and their opposite sex fan-club has no more takers.

The other sort of beauty is the one we perceive when once we know the person.... once we know what their smile means, what the twinkle in the eye indicates, what makes them laugh...

GH said in one of her books, "She realised it wasn't so much the smile that attracted her to Mr. Calverleigh, but the understanding that lay behind the smile"

Now wasn't she wise?? :D

It's true that folks often fall in love with a 'pretty' face, but it's also true that more often than not, they fall out of it too, once the person's personality is revealed.

I've noticed, at least with some movie stars who are extremely good-looking...you know, the works...that once they open their mouth, one feels like going "Shhhhhhhhhh, damn it!". You know?? And one feels an instant repugnance. Alas, the beauty dims. :P

So it's pretty certain that personality plays a big role in attraction or love, if u must.

I guess basically we are all looking for someone akin to us. Someone who understands, you know, really gets us.

And.. er... if you throw in a gorgeous smile and big broad shoulders, no one's gonna complain;)

Whaddya think?

Toodles

So all in all, 2009 wasn't all that great.

We got only a half-dozen good films. Many atrocious ones. But, the trend seems to be moving toward good stories rather than the nonsensical comic-capers that were used to be popular.

So here's to intelligent cinema and the phasing out of the oldies(with all due respect, but honestly you can't expect to set the cash registers ringing by prancing around with much younger co-stars and absolutely no story-line)...ahem so yeah here's to 2010!! :)

More later,

Toodles