I miss my friends ya know. It aint the same in college, though I do know I got it easy...I tried to be grateful and count my blessings and stuff the other day so i was muttering to myself as I walked down the stairs- after getting a test result not up to the mark, and feeling myself being sucked into the vortex- "grateful grateful grateful grateful...." but it just made me feel like throwing up. Really! How unnatural of one to feel that way when one does indeed have a load to be grateful for in life. But the grass is green on all sides and i'm standing in a dry spot, the way it looks to me. I am so going to hell for this. :P But, I daresay God knows all about venting and mood-swings.

I must have changed a lot since I moved away from Hyd, because I've been noticing things about myself I own I cannot like. It makes me think if I'm just discovering myself or if I've just changed. Yes, yes, I tend to introspect a lot and stuff. But what is one to do when the best conversation to be had for miles around is inside one's own head??? So I talk. To myself. Or the little voice in my head. Whatever you choose to call it.

Point is, my brains are rotting. Slowly but surely. All the vernacular I am obliged to speak is eating away at my spoken English. My poor, prized 94%-in-ICSE-English. I couldn't summon up a witty remark without cudgelling my brains for a whole minute, not even if the offender annoyed me VERY much. In fact, i'm much more likely to come up with an expletive, now that's not smart neither does it suit a lady!:( Any chance remarks are wasted....Gone with the wind. I feel melancholy as I watch them sail over several heads around me. As I wave to and reflect upon the sad rarity of these ill-fated witticisms, I have to own that that it scares me that I shan't ever see any of their like again.

Wait. That wasn't the point was it?? No I was saying...er typing...how sad it is that I've become this judgmental, suspicious creature who doesn't care much to make new acquaintances and who I'm afraid is turning into a full-fledged brat. Ok, I suppose it aint as bad as all that. I have become less sensitive than I was used to(ultra-sensitive), wised up a little(I hope), lightened up a lot and learned a lot. But I do find myself judging people too quickly or writing them them off after an alarmingly short acquaintance with them. My temper grows shorter and shorter and I find myself losing my patience with people more and more often and nothing I can tell myself can convince me that such fits are irrational. What right do I have to even think rude thoughts about folks?

I'm sorry, I'm feeling down today. This post I know is not like my usual rubbish. Well actually it is, but melancholy rubbish. But what's a blog for if you can't indulge yourself?

More later, Hopefully not in the same strain....